The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
