whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
