Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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