If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
