Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
