Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
