you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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