i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
