Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
