Need sex. Gaining weight.
he thought i was a dude.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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