Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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