Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
