I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
do herpes really smell.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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