on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
