i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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