Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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