We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
