She is in my trunk
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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