She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
