Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
