rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
