Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
