i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
