she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
