I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
So many bounce houses so little time
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
