I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
