I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
