I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
