Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
The air taste purple.
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