who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
