she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
