I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
