Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Someone came in the potted fern
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
