I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
