I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
