Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
