Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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