but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
