Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
