Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
