I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
