I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I smell stomach acid.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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