Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
