Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
