The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
