If that was your dad, he is hot
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
