I faked an abortion last night.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
