Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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