He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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