I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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