Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
